Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Dance Called Love

Tantra Guru OSHO speaks on what it means to Love in OshoThe Discipline of Transcendence, Vol. 1, Talk #2
I have never said that love is destroyed by marriage. How can marriage destroy love? Yes, it is destroyed in marriage but it is destroyed by you, not by marriage. It is destroyed by the partners. How can marriage destroy love? It is you who destroy it because you don’t know what love is. You simply pretend to know, you simply hope that you know; you dream that you know, but you don’t know what love is. Love has to be learnt; it is the greatest art there is.

If people are dancing and somebody asks you, “Come and dance,” you say, “I don’t know how to.” You don’t just jump up and start dancing and have everybody think that you are a great dancer. You will just prove yourself to be a buffoon. You will not prove yourself to be a dancer. It has to be learnt — the grace of it, the movement of it. You have to train the body for it.

You don’t just go and start painting just because the canvas is available and the brush is there and the color is there. You don’t start painting. You don’t say, “All the requirements are here, so I can paint.” You can paint but you will not be a painter that way.

You meet a woman — the canvas is there. You immediately become a lover; you start painting. And she starts painting on you. Of course you both prove to be foolish — painted fools — and sooner or later you understand what is happening. But you never thought that love is an art. You are not born with the art; it is nothing to do with your birth. You have to learn it. It is the most subtle art.

You are born only with a capacity. Of course, you are born with a body; you can be a dancer because you have the body. You can move your body and you can be a dancer but dancing has to be learnt. Much effort is needed to learn dancing. And dancing is not so difficult because you alone are involved in it.

Love is much more difficult. It is dancing with somebody else. The other is also needed to know what dancing is. To fit with somebody is a great art. To create a harmony between two people...two people mean two different worlds. When two worlds come close, clash is bound to be there if you don’t know how to harmonize. Love is harmony. And happiness, health, harmony, all happen out of love. Learn to love. Don’t be in a hurry for marriage, learn to love. First become a great lover.

And what is the requirement? The requirement is that a great lover is always ready to give love and is not bothered whether it is returned or not. It is always returned; it is in the very nature of things. It is just as if you go to the mountains and you sing a song, and the valleys respond. Have you seen an echo point in the mountains, in the hills? You shout and the valleys shout, or you sing and the valleys sing. Each heart is a valley. If you pour love into it, it will respond.

The first lesson of love is not to ask for love, but just to give. Become a giver.

People are doing just the opposite. Even when they give, they give only with the idea that love should come back. It is a bargain. They don’t share, they don’t share freely. They share with a condition. They go on watching out of the corner of their eye whether it is coming back or not. Very poor people...they don’t know the natural functioning of love. You simply pour, it will come.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Elements and Principles of Designer Relationship (Part 2)

The Principles of Design give us insight into the best way to apply the elements. Skillful use of the principles helps us to refine perception and achieve our goals in the relationship, among them are the following:

Balance-
  Balance speaks to the distribution of energy. It is the ultimate law, the minimum of what we must have to succeed in a healthy way. While balance does not necessarily bring us harmony (where everything is as it should be), it does bring us peace (an acceptance of what is).
  Generally, displaced weight, be it actual or visual, will create a "disturbance in the force". This asymmetrical placement has to done carefully if at all. It can leave the relationship open to negative energy, either from within the relationship or people/circumstances surrounding the relationship. Some quick examples of this are romantic relationships where age, race or religious differences create a gravity that works against the lovers involved. Even when the two have made up their minds to be together, they're union enjoys more than the standard of life's challenges. Although the chemicals involved in love are as compelling as a rocket engine, the two require enormous amounts of  focus and  fuel to escape the gravity of they're rebellion against the trending societal ideas of balance. Transcendence would be achieved when the two create a new standard of balance that makes peace with what is and leaves them both healthier for it.

  Balance can come in many forms, symmetrical or asymmetrical, horizontal, vertical, etc... Some people can handle the challenges of an asymmetrical balancing act and some cannot. If you can make peace with it and you are healthier for it, then this is balance. If you cannot achieve this then, for you, it is off balance. Current ideas of balance are one force but absolute balance can be quite another. There is no way to avoid the law of universal balance and "get away with it".

Proportion & Scale:
  These principles point to the importance we assign to particular values or areas of the relationship. A given area of importance to one member may be large, while to the other member it is rather small. If both partners agree on the importance of the relationship itself, then what one person sees as being of great essential value, the other must adopt. The partner who adopts(adapts) the new level of significance for the given area, is assigning value based solely or mostly on their motivation to be in harmony with the other partner. This can be a demonstration of care but may or may not be a demonstration of love.
  The reasons why a person may care not to "rock the boat" could vary considerably. The importance of understanding the elements, in this case, is proportionately large. At these times it is good to have strong boundaries to avoid those who would pretend genuine concern by lulling you into complacency with pacifying false compromises.
  So what do you think? Can you live with the adoption of new significance to lend to the healthy functioning of your partner and still be happy? If you can then go for it. If not , be honest with yourself and your partner. You both deserve happiness, even if it means moving on. It's worth it.
What is important and how important it is may change from moment to moment. Significance of certain things may take years before the scale of importance shifts. Keep pace with the pulse of the relationship, your Love Life depends on it.

Rhythm-
  Rhythm is flow, it is graceful ease. You will achieve rhythm by understanding and utilizing the elements so that the true beauty of the journey can be experienced. This is the area where you will have a great opportunity to show style and maturity in your response to one another. At this moment you can really show your creativity, your insight, your scientific disposition. This is your major contribution so think, input, eyes on the road and hands on the wheel. For instance, you can emphasize your appreciation of the person or something about them, which creates a rhythm, a melody of gratitude. This is magnetic to the things you desire in a relationship and from that person, if they are there to be had.
  Use the energy of universal flow as a tuner for accuracy. Watch nature, watch your body, your breath, watch the animals, they are wise, they will help you find the flow.

Emphasis-
  Emphasis is the point or center of interest. This is the aspect that initially attracted you to or helped to maintain your interest in your partner/relationship. When we attempt to overlook conflicting areas of interest, the result is confusion. The disorder that follows leaves the relationship vulnerable to destructive elements (love's free radicals) as the inevitable winds of change begin to blow. The emphasis maybe sex, money, looks, family pressure, etc... If those variables shift downward the adhesive weakens and the relationship suffers. Nothing sticks like true love.
  Conflict, however, should not be confused with complimentary contrasts. Emphasis requires compromise and fair play. Care must be taken that both partners get to emphasize different things at different times to encourage equanimity and mutual interest or enjoyment in the relationship.

Harmony-
  The most famous and sought after of all the principles , harmony is the result of all elements and principles skillfully applied. We know we have achieved harmony when the elements have been used in a way that is congruent with the ultimate purpose. In this case each detail relates well with the other and forms a unified whole. Relationships will be loving, supportive, communication will add depth and dimension, conflicts can be resolved peacefully and respectfully. Because the elements and principles are interdependent, the conscious observation of harmony can reveal the condition of the parts as well as the whole.
  With this principle, design (intention), construction (format), and the figure (relationship/person) must work well together for the perfect fit.